True Blood’s Salome

Salome

I can imagine the writer’s meeting: “Let’s have one of the new ancient vampires be an ancient Christian symbol of sex’s badness! Then we can subvert it and create religious controversy!”

So far, this has proved to be perhaps the dumbest True Blood gender idea this side of Lorena (if anyone gets me started I will never stop, so I’m moving on).

Salome has already managed to fuck her way through half the hot males on the show, and she’s had a name for three episodes. The explanation for her desire to seduce both the boys (other than threesome dreams—make it happen Alan!) is that she wanted to find out if they were Sanguinistas. Apparently, she found this out via her vagina.

Seriously, she could have just had a non-sex-ending conversation, which would probably have been a lot more reliable. All this woman is notable for is for sexing. THIS IS NOT HOW TO MODERNIZE AN ANCIENT SEX SYMBOL. Her idea of a weapon is a vagina, which is stupid because it’s an unreliable weapon at best.

And on top of all that, this dangerous symbol of ancient sexuality is clearly going to turn out to be a dangerous symbol of modern sexuality. She was promiscuous then, she’s promiscuous now: she was evil then, she’s evil now.

I mean, seriously, that scene with Nora? The woman practically confessed herself. Worst actor ever, for God’s sake. She’s seduced Meloni so she can gain his confidence—something you’d think he would be able to see through if he’s reached this level of power—and she’s manipulating everyone around her to follow her agenda. And her main way of doing this is via coitus.

The problem with this isn’t the sex itself—it’s the way it’s being used. This woman has no personality beyond her sexuality. It is all her character boils down to. She’s not a person—she a vagina with a person attached. That is the oldest dumb idea about women in the good book, and I find it really depressing that True Blood isn’t smart enough to see through it.

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